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Its not what you say…

As an adult and particularly as a parent, I now truly understand what the common phrase : ITS NOT WHAT YOU SAY, BUT HOW YOU SAY IT, really means. Growing up, it was one of those things that kept coming out of a school teachers mouth or even from one of my older siblings. I heard the words over and over again, but switched off to the actual meaning the moment I heard NOT !

While I would love to be able to say that my daughters understand the meaning better than I did, the actual point I am wanting to make in this article is that many OVER used adages or phrases are completely lost because they are not actually explained properly.

I also want to make the point that, with time and experience under ones belt while dealing with ‘mature’ adults, it is alarming to observe how often differences in opinions escalate simply because one or both individuals do not understand the potential toxicity of their words. If a message is communicated with the incorrect tone, misdirected delivery and aggressive body language the scene is set for a completely avoidable war of words.

As adults, society has taught us to stand our ground on our beliefs and if we show signs of weakness, we are destined to fail. SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST has changed to SURVIVAL OF THE MOST AGGRESSIVE. The truth is that the ability to articulate or speak ones mind eloquently and construct your thoughts in a way that can be correctly interpreted and understood by the receiver of the message is not only a gift, it is also a key to success. Remember that success here is not measured by job title, wealth or suburb you live it. TRUE SUCCESS IS MEASURED BY THE WAY PEOPLE REACT TO YOU BEING IN THEIR PRESENCE.

Quick example of this….three men have dominated tennis courts around the world for the past 18 years so. Roger, Rafa and Novak all have 20 majors at the time of writing this.
These sportsmen are phenomenal – so difficult to choose the Greatest Of All Time (weirdly known as the G.O.A.T)

Now, when attending an awards function, should Roger or Rafa enter the banquet hall, you will notice that the entire hall quietens down as they feel and see greatness arrive. They watch their every move. Enter Novak and while a similar air of greatness is felt, the hall does not go as quiet as one senses he does not have the same aura as they other two. And he is clearly showing that he could well end up being the real G.O.A.T.

Now, if I told you that Roger is actually the most arrogant of the three, that would upset and surprise many. You would never have thought this, but it is my honest opinion. Why would a man getting slower and making more errors as he turns 40 this year, continue to play ?

Please understand that I am his biggest fan – mainly for the way he shows us that he can find the desire, the drive and the belief in himself when everyone doubts him. And I also love the way he dictates when it is time to quit – and that, he maintains, is only going to be when he loses his passion for the game.

So why don’t I think that Novak is more arrogant ? SIMPLE….Novak gives us this impression simply by the way he conducts himself on court and when he speaks at the end of tournament he has won. He initiates the conversation of how great he is, while Roger and Rafa let the media do that….they are able to take time to choose their answers carefully – they both know exactly HOW TO SAY IT while all 3 of them know WHAT TO SAY.

Remember that above is merely the way I see it – my feelings alone.

But getting back to my point here, the way you CONDUCT yourself, the way you COMMUNICATE your feelings and your ability to EMPATHISE with whoever your audience is, will be the way people will reciprocate or mirror the way they interact with you.

GOD BLESS AND PLEASE TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED